Well, today marks four weeks since our little boy’s arrival and almost one week since we’ve had any help. We had to call in reinforcements today after I came down with a nasty infection. Thank God we have family here. Josh’s mother came to save the day. I think Eli enjoyed some aspects me being ill. He got to sleep in the swing all night last night and got lots of extra daddy and Mimi snuggles.
Honestly parenting without help got a lot harder before it got better, but we’re starting to get into the swing of things…I think. Wednesday I was ambitious. I got myself showered without Josh being home, I gave Eli a bath by myself, and we did some chores with him in the sling that I’ve been afraid to use. I even ate 3 square meals and took a few pictures with my new (amazing) camera. I’m still getting the hang of the new camera, but it’s seriously awesome. But- Thursday was a whole other story. Eli wouldn’t let me put him down all day. We made it an hour total with him being asleep and not in my arms.
I also struggled a lot this week. It’s been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I’ve been very tired for most of the week and have felt the pressure of being home alone with Eli. It’s been hard to find a balance between our normal obligations and caring for Eli. I’m hoping that our date night next week will help get us back on track a bit. It’s hard not to just ask Josh to help when he gets home. I feel like we’re constantly catching up and if there is extra time I’d rather be asleep than listening attentively to how his day was. Isn’t that sad? We aren’t just caregivers for this precious baby, we’re spouses as well. Sometimes I think I forget that. Beware, the next few sentences will be about feeding Eli, so if you want you can skip down to his fun weekly check-in. Since Eli’s growth spurt I’ve been unable to keep up with his appetite. It really hurts my heart to be unable to provide for my son. I know ‘breast is best’ yada yada yada, but what if you’ve done everything you can and still fall short? I try telling myself that providing 70-80% of his daily food is good, maybe even best since he responds well to formula with vitamin D, but not to vitamin D supplements, but there is still this feeling of inadequacy that weighs on me. I’ve prayed about it, but it’s a daily struggle. I seriously have done all I can think of. I listen to relaxing music, do guided relaxation, look at Eli, hold Eli, do kangaroo care, sleep skin to skin for naps (regardless that it terrifies me that I’ll somehow roll onto him…even though I’m on the couch), power-pump, use warm compresses, oil and massage, offer to let him eat from me (he refuses, even with a shield), eat lactation cookies, have oatmeal once a day, drink a liter of water after every feeding, use pumpin’ pals or smaller flanges, etc. I even took fenugreek which ended up sort of working, but it also hurt Eli’s tummy to the point where it was not worth it at all. On top of it all, I came down with mastitis last night. Why did no one tell me it would feel like the flu? I expected pain, but fever, chills, aches? Was not expecting that. A five hour sleep period helped and antibiotics are doing their job, but I’m still exhausted. Exclusively pumping is not easy. It takes double the amount of time, is painful, and is physically exhausting. I feel like my body has failed me. It’s been an uphill battle. Every full bottle I get is a victory, every lacking one a personal defeat. I’m thankful I can still provide for him somewhat, but I wish I could press a button or something and make what he needs. Lots of grumpy nights have been had about this issue, but I’m trying my best to let it go. Que Sera’ Sera’. It’s in God’s hands. Does it really matter in the big picture? We have a healthy, happy baby boy and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I just have to remind myself of that.
What we bought: Pumpin’ Pals and….drumroll… Eli’s birth announcements! I can’t wait to get them in and then send them out!
Invaluable purchases: A baby bath with a sling in it. It makes it easy to wash him by myself, and I don’t worry about him slipping around. Also quick clean steam bags for easy sanitizing.
Useless purchases: Pee pee Teepee’s, they don’t stay on and he still pees all over. The Belly Bandit- I wore it oh, for 2 days total. It hurt my back like crazy. That’s all you need, more pain on top of pain. Hopefully once the doc clears me I can exercise and still get the same result. The pacifier thermometer- it takes way too long to give you the temperature and Eli inevitably spits it out before you get an accurate result. Even then, you get widely varying temperatures when you take repeat measures.
Best moment: Eli’s been working on smiling this week! It’s very adorable. Also- he’s really becoming alert. He’s happiest when he’s snuggling in bed with me at eye level. He just stares at your face absorbing it all. He’s also starting to have preferences for music.
How my life has changed: I’m both better and worse at time management. When Eli is sleeping in his swing or bassinet, I will wash dishes, do laundry, and maybe even nap. At the same time, it took me a week to respond to some text messages. I just don’t look at my phone unless I’m setting an alarm to get up and feed him. Or, I see my phone going off but Eli won’t let me put him down, or I’ll have zero clean bottles and really my phone isn’t a priority at that point. That being said, I’m sorry! I want to respond faster and chit chat, but I just haven’t got the time. I’m also behind on scrapbooking. Heck, I don’t even have makeup- I’ve been out for days (not that it matters, I don’t have time to put it on). I’ll have to set aside time somehow. Things will get easier.
Eli’s Check In: 4 weeks Old
This week I had my first bath that I actually enjoyed. I still hate to be naked though and I cry almost every time I get my diaper changed. I had a night where I had two 4 hour sleep cycles in a row! My parents felt like new people they were so energized. I grew out of all of my newborn clothes and have started to really enjoy music. Mom tried singing me various lullabies, but my favorite is ‘I Have Decided to Follow Jesus.’ Mom tells me this is a hymn and not a lullaby, but I don’t care. I also like ‘You are My Sunshine’. I’ve figured out how to suck on my thumb and my binky. I just put my thumb in the little binky hole and then I’m happy. I’ve started taking longer naps which means I’m also awake for longer periods. When I am awake, I enjoy having a little entertainment, like music or something good to look at like lights or my parents’ faces. I teased my parents again by giggling a bit more while I was asleep, but I’ve yet to smile or giggle when I’m awake. I am working on smiling though, but every time mom thinks I’m smiling it turns out to be gas. Dad found a spot where I’m ticklish.
That’s it for this week.
-Shantel
Honestly parenting without help got a lot harder before it got better, but we’re starting to get into the swing of things…I think. Wednesday I was ambitious. I got myself showered without Josh being home, I gave Eli a bath by myself, and we did some chores with him in the sling that I’ve been afraid to use. I even ate 3 square meals and took a few pictures with my new (amazing) camera. I’m still getting the hang of the new camera, but it’s seriously awesome. But- Thursday was a whole other story. Eli wouldn’t let me put him down all day. We made it an hour total with him being asleep and not in my arms.
I also struggled a lot this week. It’s been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I’ve been very tired for most of the week and have felt the pressure of being home alone with Eli. It’s been hard to find a balance between our normal obligations and caring for Eli. I’m hoping that our date night next week will help get us back on track a bit. It’s hard not to just ask Josh to help when he gets home. I feel like we’re constantly catching up and if there is extra time I’d rather be asleep than listening attentively to how his day was. Isn’t that sad? We aren’t just caregivers for this precious baby, we’re spouses as well. Sometimes I think I forget that. Beware, the next few sentences will be about feeding Eli, so if you want you can skip down to his fun weekly check-in. Since Eli’s growth spurt I’ve been unable to keep up with his appetite. It really hurts my heart to be unable to provide for my son. I know ‘breast is best’ yada yada yada, but what if you’ve done everything you can and still fall short? I try telling myself that providing 70-80% of his daily food is good, maybe even best since he responds well to formula with vitamin D, but not to vitamin D supplements, but there is still this feeling of inadequacy that weighs on me. I’ve prayed about it, but it’s a daily struggle. I seriously have done all I can think of. I listen to relaxing music, do guided relaxation, look at Eli, hold Eli, do kangaroo care, sleep skin to skin for naps (regardless that it terrifies me that I’ll somehow roll onto him…even though I’m on the couch), power-pump, use warm compresses, oil and massage, offer to let him eat from me (he refuses, even with a shield), eat lactation cookies, have oatmeal once a day, drink a liter of water after every feeding, use pumpin’ pals or smaller flanges, etc. I even took fenugreek which ended up sort of working, but it also hurt Eli’s tummy to the point where it was not worth it at all. On top of it all, I came down with mastitis last night. Why did no one tell me it would feel like the flu? I expected pain, but fever, chills, aches? Was not expecting that. A five hour sleep period helped and antibiotics are doing their job, but I’m still exhausted. Exclusively pumping is not easy. It takes double the amount of time, is painful, and is physically exhausting. I feel like my body has failed me. It’s been an uphill battle. Every full bottle I get is a victory, every lacking one a personal defeat. I’m thankful I can still provide for him somewhat, but I wish I could press a button or something and make what he needs. Lots of grumpy nights have been had about this issue, but I’m trying my best to let it go. Que Sera’ Sera’. It’s in God’s hands. Does it really matter in the big picture? We have a healthy, happy baby boy and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I just have to remind myself of that.
What we bought: Pumpin’ Pals and….drumroll… Eli’s birth announcements! I can’t wait to get them in and then send them out!
Invaluable purchases: A baby bath with a sling in it. It makes it easy to wash him by myself, and I don’t worry about him slipping around. Also quick clean steam bags for easy sanitizing.
Useless purchases: Pee pee Teepee’s, they don’t stay on and he still pees all over. The Belly Bandit- I wore it oh, for 2 days total. It hurt my back like crazy. That’s all you need, more pain on top of pain. Hopefully once the doc clears me I can exercise and still get the same result. The pacifier thermometer- it takes way too long to give you the temperature and Eli inevitably spits it out before you get an accurate result. Even then, you get widely varying temperatures when you take repeat measures.
Best moment: Eli’s been working on smiling this week! It’s very adorable. Also- he’s really becoming alert. He’s happiest when he’s snuggling in bed with me at eye level. He just stares at your face absorbing it all. He’s also starting to have preferences for music.
How my life has changed: I’m both better and worse at time management. When Eli is sleeping in his swing or bassinet, I will wash dishes, do laundry, and maybe even nap. At the same time, it took me a week to respond to some text messages. I just don’t look at my phone unless I’m setting an alarm to get up and feed him. Or, I see my phone going off but Eli won’t let me put him down, or I’ll have zero clean bottles and really my phone isn’t a priority at that point. That being said, I’m sorry! I want to respond faster and chit chat, but I just haven’t got the time. I’m also behind on scrapbooking. Heck, I don’t even have makeup- I’ve been out for days (not that it matters, I don’t have time to put it on). I’ll have to set aside time somehow. Things will get easier.
Eli’s Check In: 4 weeks Old
haha some of his expressions!
This week I had my first bath that I actually enjoyed. I still hate to be naked though and I cry almost every time I get my diaper changed. I had a night where I had two 4 hour sleep cycles in a row! My parents felt like new people they were so energized. I grew out of all of my newborn clothes and have started to really enjoy music. Mom tried singing me various lullabies, but my favorite is ‘I Have Decided to Follow Jesus.’ Mom tells me this is a hymn and not a lullaby, but I don’t care. I also like ‘You are My Sunshine’. I’ve figured out how to suck on my thumb and my binky. I just put my thumb in the little binky hole and then I’m happy. I’ve started taking longer naps which means I’m also awake for longer periods. When I am awake, I enjoy having a little entertainment, like music or something good to look at like lights or my parents’ faces. I teased my parents again by giggling a bit more while I was asleep, but I’ve yet to smile or giggle when I’m awake. I am working on smiling though, but every time mom thinks I’m smiling it turns out to be gas. Dad found a spot where I’m ticklish.
That’s it for this week.
-Shantel
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