Put your thing down flip it and reverse it...
I have been thinking about going back to work. I honestly believe this whole 'balance' thing is a lie. Isn't it? Does anyone out there really feel like they're doing their best in all areas? In any event, my current 'balance' is out of whack.
When I was working I missed out on so much of Eli's life. I missed him. I would wake up at 5:30 and get home at 6-6:30 then go to bed sometimes at 7pm so I could feel somewhat rested since he woke up constantly and would stay up for hours. I feel really blessed to have been able to quit and spend the last almost 3 years with him, but it's getting to be that time again where I feel restless. I miss talking with other adults. I probably average 2-3 hours a week of adult interaction outside of my relationship with Josh and I need Eli to see other adults as his authority.
I feel like I'm snapping at Eli a lot. I worry that the constant task of being his sole authority during most of the day is wearing down on our relationship. He's 3 so he gets into a lot of frustrating situations from curiosity and lack of self-control. Josh has been out of town and working weekends so much more with this new position and even with help it has been a struggle. I have been setting reminders for myself to play with him, to compliment him, and to have one on one time with him and it does help but I'm still depleted. I'm now caring for two little souls all day and being the maid/house manager/cook/chauffeur/banker for the family. I enjoy it- but then again when you know where every dollar goes it's hard to do self-care. It feels selfish so I try to put things off and then I get more depleted.
Then again I don't feel like it's fair to leave Anias all day- or Eli either for that matter. To have me with them 24/7 to seeing me a few hours a day I think would be hard on us all. I looked into part-time jobs, but for both kids to be in our choice daycare for 28 hours a week would be $1200 a month, which is actually a lot cheaper than what it would be if our kids enrolled at our previous daycare. Could it be done? Probably, but I am reluctant to bite that bullet. Financially I would be making very little after paying that bill.
I think the best solution for us is going to be putting Eli in Mother's Day Out. No brainer right? Wellllll for most sure. I personally feel guilty- like I'm outsourcing something I can do myself. Why pay someone to watch my child when I'm at home all day and fully capable of watching him? Education is good though right? Actually...we wanted him to wait until nearer to 6 to start school for many reasons. Regardless, I'm hoping that this is going to be good for all of us. Happy wife (mom) happy life and I know he will love socializing and feeling so big. I should get some time alone and I'll have to force myself to market in order to pay for Mother's Day Out which will theoretically will result in more adult interaction. I only need to book 1-2 sessions per month to pay for it without adding burden to our budget which I think is doable and not too overwhelming. Wish us luck!
-On a side note once I gave myself permission to quit being a stay at home mom I realized how lucky I am. The shift in mindset made me appreciate the experience more.
Anias: Week 40
I put things in my mouth while I crawl so I can hold onto them without impeding my speed. I got my fourth tooth in and I had my 9 month checkup. I weighed 18 lbs 15 oz (36th percentile) was 28 3/4" long (67th percentile) and had a head circumference of 18 1/4 " (85th percentile). Since the doctor switched me to table foods I've been waking up only once a night! I follow my brother e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. I like to wear his racoon hat.
Week 41
I blow raspberries with my mouth full of food to tell you I'm full. Brother and I play lots of games. He crawls on top of me while I crawl (mom calls it the double crawl) and in the picture above Eli got trapped in the tower and it was my job to get him out! I did a great job. I am obsessed with wires and like to take all the shoes out of the cubby. My sleeping streak only lasted 4 days. I say "yeah" and "yay!"
Eli
I love to make up songs and one of my favorite is 'Anias Beluga!' I also made a second verse to Daniel Tiger's 'When you feel so mad' it goes like this: (1st verse) When you feel so mad and you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four 1-2-3-4 (2nd) when you're freaking count to six 5-6. I call Moana Moe Llama and I've been known to ask for pizza in a cup like in Wall-E. I replanted a vine and told it "this is your home now." Mom asked what I was drawing and I said "a heart." She replied "mmm" but I informed her "it's not yummy!"
I have been thinking about going back to work. I honestly believe this whole 'balance' thing is a lie. Isn't it? Does anyone out there really feel like they're doing their best in all areas? In any event, my current 'balance' is out of whack.
When I was working I missed out on so much of Eli's life. I missed him. I would wake up at 5:30 and get home at 6-6:30 then go to bed sometimes at 7pm so I could feel somewhat rested since he woke up constantly and would stay up for hours. I feel really blessed to have been able to quit and spend the last almost 3 years with him, but it's getting to be that time again where I feel restless. I miss talking with other adults. I probably average 2-3 hours a week of adult interaction outside of my relationship with Josh and I need Eli to see other adults as his authority.
I feel like I'm snapping at Eli a lot. I worry that the constant task of being his sole authority during most of the day is wearing down on our relationship. He's 3 so he gets into a lot of frustrating situations from curiosity and lack of self-control. Josh has been out of town and working weekends so much more with this new position and even with help it has been a struggle. I have been setting reminders for myself to play with him, to compliment him, and to have one on one time with him and it does help but I'm still depleted. I'm now caring for two little souls all day and being the maid/house manager/cook/chauffeur/banker for the family. I enjoy it- but then again when you know where every dollar goes it's hard to do self-care. It feels selfish so I try to put things off and then I get more depleted.
Then again I don't feel like it's fair to leave Anias all day- or Eli either for that matter. To have me with them 24/7 to seeing me a few hours a day I think would be hard on us all. I looked into part-time jobs, but for both kids to be in our choice daycare for 28 hours a week would be $1200 a month, which is actually a lot cheaper than what it would be if our kids enrolled at our previous daycare. Could it be done? Probably, but I am reluctant to bite that bullet. Financially I would be making very little after paying that bill.
I think the best solution for us is going to be putting Eli in Mother's Day Out. No brainer right? Wellllll for most sure. I personally feel guilty- like I'm outsourcing something I can do myself. Why pay someone to watch my child when I'm at home all day and fully capable of watching him? Education is good though right? Actually...we wanted him to wait until nearer to 6 to start school for many reasons. Regardless, I'm hoping that this is going to be good for all of us. Happy wife (mom) happy life and I know he will love socializing and feeling so big. I should get some time alone and I'll have to force myself to market in order to pay for Mother's Day Out which will theoretically will result in more adult interaction. I only need to book 1-2 sessions per month to pay for it without adding burden to our budget which I think is doable and not too overwhelming. Wish us luck!
-On a side note once I gave myself permission to quit being a stay at home mom I realized how lucky I am. The shift in mindset made me appreciate the experience more.
Anias: Week 40
I put things in my mouth while I crawl so I can hold onto them without impeding my speed. I got my fourth tooth in and I had my 9 month checkup. I weighed 18 lbs 15 oz (36th percentile) was 28 3/4" long (67th percentile) and had a head circumference of 18 1/4 " (85th percentile). Since the doctor switched me to table foods I've been waking up only once a night! I follow my brother e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. I like to wear his racoon hat.
Week 41
I blow raspberries with my mouth full of food to tell you I'm full. Brother and I play lots of games. He crawls on top of me while I crawl (mom calls it the double crawl) and in the picture above Eli got trapped in the tower and it was my job to get him out! I did a great job. I am obsessed with wires and like to take all the shoes out of the cubby. My sleeping streak only lasted 4 days. I say "yeah" and "yay!"
Eli
I love to make up songs and one of my favorite is 'Anias Beluga!' I also made a second verse to Daniel Tiger's 'When you feel so mad' it goes like this: (1st verse) When you feel so mad and you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four 1-2-3-4 (2nd) when you're freaking count to six 5-6. I call Moana Moe Llama and I've been known to ask for pizza in a cup like in Wall-E. I replanted a vine and told it "this is your home now." Mom asked what I was drawing and I said "a heart." She replied "mmm" but I informed her "it's not yummy!"
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