If you didn't sing a little "I can't rise above it" move along. I joke. I've been reading James Dobson's The Strong Willed Child and it is speaking to my soul. I haven't made it super far yet, but this is so my life. This paragraph in particular I underlined twice.
"It is very common for these moms and dads (of strong willed children) to feel great guilt and self-condemnation. They are trying so hard to be good parents, but the struggle for control that goes on at home day after day leaves them frustrated and fatigued. No one told them parenthood would be this difficult, and they blame themselves for the tension that arises. They had planned to be such loving parents...The difference between life as it is and life as it ought to be is distressing" (pages 11-12).
I really love Eli. There are days where I feel like all I'm doing is correcting him, but I love him in the correction. There are days where every bit of me wants to throw my hands in the air and say whatever dude, you do you, but I keep with it. He's done some things that I'll never write about. Not because I want to pretend like he's awesome and perfect, but because what I write can't be taken back.
I firmly believe we have a part in creating our child's inner narrative. I don't want him to look back and think, 'mom thought I was bad, so maybe I'm bad'. We all do things we shouldn't after all, and I'd much rather focus on the good, but parenthood is a struggle in ways I had never imagined. I taught parenting classes. I made behavior plans. I saw a good child and an imperfect parent in any given situation and now...I know. The good parent and the good child are both imperfect. He's having a very tough week which in turn is making my week very difficult, but I love him and that's all I want him to know.
In other news, Josh and I celebrated our 5th anniversary. We do traditional anniversary gifts and year 5 is wood. I was pretty proud of my gift. We saw Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros perform this song after 3 months of dating. We were on our first couple's trip down in Florida and I got stung by a stingray. This was also the song that just happened to be playing when Eli was born. (Anias was born to Washed up Together by Knox Hamilton). We're going to celebrate later on with a big (across the ocean) trip. We've been together 7 years now and I still love him. I know him so well and he knows me. He makes me coffee in the morning and I let him sleep in. We spend every night talking and I feel like our marriage is in much better place now than it's been before (that first year after becoming parents was quite the adjustment). I'm hoping this year finally brings us our house, a shorter commute, and a new puppy.
Week 36
I had a big week! I crawled and pulled myself up on the same day! I love playing with strings and cars and you can hardly hold me down. Unless, of course, I want you to. I vacillate between sleeping great and sleeping 4 hours a night. I've got to keep my parents on their toes.
Week 37
I love pulling on drawers and have a newfound love of sucking my thumb. I now become angry, instead of distracted, when Eli takes my toy away and gives me a different one. I love to dance and dad's convinced I say dada!
Eli
I met my mom and dad's friend John Midgley right before we went to Colorado and decided uncle Ryan looked enough like him that his new name should be John. I often ask where John is and if we can call him. Mom asked me who loves me all the time. I said "mom". 'Who else?' she said. "Jesus." 'Anyone else?' she asked. "Shiree." I told mom, "I'm not handsome. I'm chocolate." I painted this birdhouse as Mimi's birthday present.
"It is very common for these moms and dads (of strong willed children) to feel great guilt and self-condemnation. They are trying so hard to be good parents, but the struggle for control that goes on at home day after day leaves them frustrated and fatigued. No one told them parenthood would be this difficult, and they blame themselves for the tension that arises. They had planned to be such loving parents...The difference between life as it is and life as it ought to be is distressing" (pages 11-12).
I really love Eli. There are days where I feel like all I'm doing is correcting him, but I love him in the correction. There are days where every bit of me wants to throw my hands in the air and say whatever dude, you do you, but I keep with it. He's done some things that I'll never write about. Not because I want to pretend like he's awesome and perfect, but because what I write can't be taken back.
I firmly believe we have a part in creating our child's inner narrative. I don't want him to look back and think, 'mom thought I was bad, so maybe I'm bad'. We all do things we shouldn't after all, and I'd much rather focus on the good, but parenthood is a struggle in ways I had never imagined. I taught parenting classes. I made behavior plans. I saw a good child and an imperfect parent in any given situation and now...I know. The good parent and the good child are both imperfect. He's having a very tough week which in turn is making my week very difficult, but I love him and that's all I want him to know.
In other news, Josh and I celebrated our 5th anniversary. We do traditional anniversary gifts and year 5 is wood. I was pretty proud of my gift. We saw Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros perform this song after 3 months of dating. We were on our first couple's trip down in Florida and I got stung by a stingray. This was also the song that just happened to be playing when Eli was born. (Anias was born to Washed up Together by Knox Hamilton). We're going to celebrate later on with a big (across the ocean) trip. We've been together 7 years now and I still love him. I know him so well and he knows me. He makes me coffee in the morning and I let him sleep in. We spend every night talking and I feel like our marriage is in much better place now than it's been before (that first year after becoming parents was quite the adjustment). I'm hoping this year finally brings us our house, a shorter commute, and a new puppy.
Week 36
I had a big week! I crawled and pulled myself up on the same day! I love playing with strings and cars and you can hardly hold me down. Unless, of course, I want you to. I vacillate between sleeping great and sleeping 4 hours a night. I've got to keep my parents on their toes.
Week 37
Playing with a pot after I dumped all the clean laundry out of the basket
Eli
I met my mom and dad's friend John Midgley right before we went to Colorado and decided uncle Ryan looked enough like him that his new name should be John. I often ask where John is and if we can call him. Mom asked me who loves me all the time. I said "mom". 'Who else?' she said. "Jesus." 'Anyone else?' she asked. "Shiree." I told mom, "I'm not handsome. I'm chocolate." I painted this birdhouse as Mimi's birthday present.
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