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Love begets love

This week my Wednesday night devotion really hit me hard. It was about not criticizing others, and leaving the judging up to God. Then, of course, Thursday was really difficult. Our client were attempting to pit us against each other, I feel like I haven’t slept a wink all week because of Eli’s teething, and there was tension everywhere. Now, I don’t know if there was actual tension everywhere or if I only felt that way because of the physical and mental exhaustion, but perception is our own personal reality. I caught myself again and again complaining and just being plain grouchy.
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Last night, my friend Justin put up some encouragement to stop complaining and find a solution, but sometimes there’s no solution to be found. You can’t stop a person from trying to ‘split’ therapists. You can communicate with each other and support each other- which actually our team is great at doing- but it doesn’t mean it’s not an annoyance. You can’t somehow force a baby to sleep- even though you can try to ease the sleep along by keeping the baby awake as long as possible and giving him Tylenol. You can’t ease tension people choose to bring along with them to environments, especially when you’ve exerted your control by asking if and how you can help them. So are we helpless? Am I helpless? No. I know complaining lets me release some of the built up frustration, but if what you feed grows (and I believe it does) frustration begets frustration.

I tell my clients that you can’t ‘'white-knuckle” change, even if that change is to be nice. You just can’t. I can do a 5 step model that will help me reach my goals of, say, being nicer, but that won’t turn into long-term change if my heart doesn’t change. So I’m trying less to white-knuckle it along and trying to trust God more and rely in him to change my heart. When I start feeling frustrated, I turn to Him to meet my needs. Someone doesn’t love you the way that makes you feel loved? I’m sorry, but they never will- because people are imperfect. Only God can meet the needs in your life for peace, understanding, and complete, perfect love. So what is my solution today?

I can acknowledge our client’s pain. I believe when they try to pit us against each other they’re actually seeking support from the *good* therapist, and everyone needs some support. I can honor their courage to seek help, even though they’re struggling to act it out. I can give them grace. I can be thankful that Eli is healthy and strong. I can remember that this is just a phase, and appreciate that I can meet his needs and be thankful that when he wakes up I can comfort him. I can be present in our quiet, middle of the night feeds where he is so cuddly and sweet and remind myself to cherish every moment. I can step back and realize that not everything has to do with me, and that tension might be a momentary necessary defense for people. I can do my best to support those people, especially in the midst of their situation. After all, why be on the defense unless you are feeling vulnerable? Let’s let love beget love.

And these my friends, are my 4am thoughts. Eli’s update to come soon!
-Shantel
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